No one asked me to write this post. I'm guessing that most of the people who write these kinds of posts had people asking for them. We just get frustrated with all of the other voices and feel the need to share our own thoughts. That's what the Internet is for, right? So here it is. One more blog post about marriage, singleness, and life in one's early twenties.
I'm 22. I'm single. Like, completely single. Like, I'm not sure that I even have a crush on someone. Marriage seems like a near impossibility. And that's okay.
No one is telling me that I need to get married. Sure, I have an uncle who asks me whether I'm dating anyone. Sure, my seventh graders sometimes ask me why I'm not married. Sure, it seems like half of my graduating class was engaged or already married. But no one is telling me that I need to get married.
For every post in favor of getting married young there is one listing all of the other things I can do as a single person that I couldn't do if I had a husband.
And I'm over it.
I get it. Those who write in favor of getting married young are proud of it. They admit that they've had some problems, but they're glad they chose to get married before they had established credit or gotten high-paying jobs because they are happy and in love and have learned so much. Those who write in favor of staying single through one's early twenties talk about all of the adventures that are possible when there's no spouse to answer to because they are happy and not in love and have learned so much. Congratulations on your overwhelming joy. It probably has very little to do with your marital status. It probably has much more to do with who you are as a person. You made a choice. You are happy with your choice. And you wrote about it. Hooray for you.
(I'm sure that's what you're thinking about this post. Yeah, I know. It's my blog and I get to write what I want. You don't have to read it. I don't have to read any of the posts about marriage/singleness. No one asked me to respond to those posts. Seriously, if you don't want to read this, go away. I don't need your approval.)
I'm in my early twenties and I am single. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I feel lonely and sometimes I'm just alone. Sometimes I'm not alone and I'm okay with that. Sometimes I'm not alone and I just want to get away from everyone. Sometimes I love my job and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I love living with my parents and sometimes I wish I could move out. Sometimes I watch chick flicks and they make me wish that I had a boyfriend who would surprise me at work with flowers and sometimes I watch "30 Rock" and think that Liz Lemon is my unmarried-until-forty hero (except for the desperately wanting children part).
I'm young and single and that means whatever I want it to mean. I know that I'm not ready for marriage. I don't know that I ever will be. I don't know that I even want to get married. And that's okay. A lot of people my age aren't ready for marriage. A lot of people my age are happily married. Live your life. Get married when you're ready. Or don't get married at all. Don't turn marriage into the highest achievement in life. Live the life God gives you. Make decisions based on what will glorify Him.
I'll admit that I don't always do that. My life is not perfect. I'm not always happy with what I'm doing. But I press on. I push through. I trust His grace and love.
Here is a list of twenty-two things I've done in my life. I'm not proud of all of them.
1. I left the country before I graduated from high school. I went on a mission trip to Jamaica. It was incredible and I saw God show His power and mystery in ways I couldn't have expected.
2. I have seen every episode of "Lost." Twice. I didn't give up in the last couple seasons when things got weird and they started reaching.
3. I killed a cactus. His name was Caspian. My parents got him for me for Valentine's Day one year. I really wanted a cactus, it wasn't some cruel joke. He fell to his death when I knocked him off the corner of my bed frame during my sophomore year at Bethel. He was replaced last year by Hildegarde.
4. I went ten years (2003-2013) without throwing up. I quit drinking orange juice after the 2003 incident and gave up Reese's Puffs after last spring. I didn't like orange juice anyway, but I miss that chocolate-peanut butter goodness.
5. I went on two international trips (Great Britain in 2011 and Czech Republic in 2012) during my four years at Bethel. I learned that the parts of my personality that make it difficult to be an American (shyness, hatred for small talk) actually make me perfectly suited for life in Europe.
6. I earned a college degree. I can't say that I was a great college student, but I graduated with honors. And I am thankful for the faculty, staff, and students of Bethel College. They taught me much and showed me God's love and grace.
7. I was kissed by a guy I had known for approximately two days. It was a church camp relationship during the phase when I described myself as "desperate." I can laugh about it now.
8. I watched two friends get put into a cop car. That is a story that doesn't need to be told in any more detail.
9. I was a bridesmaid in my brother and sister-in-law's wedding. They got married when they were twenty-three. They'd been together since they were seventeen. We all knew pretty quickly that it would last. And it has and it will.
10. I completed several knitting projects. One of them was a scarf that took about five years to finish. It wasn't even fancy.
11. I started teaching seventh grade Sunday School. It's not easy, but I love it. Most of the time.
12. I maintained a blog throughout my time at Bethel. I got really honest sometimes. This was a place of confession, ranting, literary criticism, and storytelling. There are plenty of posts here about how I have felt about marriage over the past several years. The way I approach this subject has changed as I slowly discover more about myself. It was once a goal. Now it's on a list of possibilities for my future along with grad school and moving to England.
13. I lived in an apartment with three other girls one summer. I wasted a lot of money and time. I was alone a lot. I'm not exactly proud of everything that happened that summer, but I was forced to face God in new ways and some great things came out of that time.
14. I lived in a freshman residence hall. As a senior. With a girl I hardly knew. We made it through some crazy ups and downs last year. I wish I'd handled some things differently. I wish I had been a better roommate.I wish I had loved well.
15. I finally embraced the song "The Little Drummer Boy." I used to loathe this song without really thinking about it. But this year I realized that it's not about a kid who's not talked about in the Bible. Come on, Church. It's about bringing God whatever we have, because He accepts us just as we are. Get over it. If you're going to get picky about one Christmas song that we sing in church, get picky about all of them. Because the Bible doesn't talk about the angels singing, either. (It's possible that I get frustrated with Christmas sometimes.)
16. I got a job. It took me over twenty-two years, but I have a real job with taxes and everything. Sure, it's part-time and I make minimum wage. But it's a job. And I have no reason to be ashamed of it. It meant that I was able to buy Christmas presents for my family this year.
17. I bought a ukulele for my 20th birthday. I learned how to play some songs. I led the Bethel College Alma Mater on various occasions.
18. I discovered that I'm not great at maintaining relationships with people I don't see regularly. I still don't know how I feel about that.
19. I lived alone in my house from Friday until today while my parents were traveling to Wisconsin and Minnesota. I spent time with a friend on Friday, made cookies on Saturday, spent Sunday trying (unsuccessfully) not to throw up, took down Christmas decorations yesterday, and made soup and pizza today. I didn't freeze. Pipes didn't explode. I probably lost a few pounds. It was a great few days. I'm glad my parents are home now.
20. I have read The Chronicles of Narnia all the way through more than once. I'm not sure that I've read any other C.S. Lewis books in their entirety, though I was assigned to do so in college. Like I said, I wasn't a great student.
21. I spent less than $100 on clothing in 2013. It's the only New Year's Resolution I have ever kept.
22. I gave my life to God. I asked Jesus into my heart. I began the most important relationship in life. I became a disciple. That's what matters.
I don't get to decide when people get married or whether it's okay to get married at a certain age. I'm glad I'm not married now. If my life had gone differently and I was married, I'd be glad I'd gotten married. It's not my goal. It's not where I want my focus to be. So get married young or don't. Please don't act like your way is the way it should be for everyone. I know that not everyone should live the way that I do. Except for the following Jesus part. I think that's supposed to be something that everyone does.
That's my voice. Take it as such.
