Does your heart break?

About six weeks ago I was at a youth leaders retreat. In one session the speaker was talking about why youth ministry matters.

He showed a video to "Does Your Heart Break" by The Brilliance. It was one of those lame slideshow kinds of videos with pictures that match too well with the lyrics. But the lyrics are fantastic and convicting and desperate. A plea to God to see the hurt of His children. A plea to man to see the hurt of the children around him. A call to action. A call to be moved.

Tonight, my heart is broken.

My heart is broken for families in Ferguson, MO; New York, NY; and Cleveland, OH. Not only the families of those who are gone, but for the families of the officers. My heart is broken for the families who aren't in the news, but are going to bed tonight without children, parents, siblings, friends.

My heart is broken for our country, with its obsession with pointing fingers and placing blame. With its biases and screaming voices.

My heart is broken for humanity with its flaws and pain and suffering and freedom.

People make choices. People make bad choices. Sometimes, people make choices that seem like the right thing to do in the moment. Sometimes emotion and impulse take over. Sometimes, as a result, people die.

That means that tonight, across this country and around the world, families are hurting more than they thought possible.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. We are left to ask God why He would allow such pain. We are left to try to pick up the pieces and make apologies and give answers that we're not entirely sure we believe.

I don't know why Michael Brown, Eric Garner, and Tamir Rice are dead. I know that they were loved deeply by family and friends. I know that they made choices in their final hours. I know that God made them and loves them. I know that He saw them die. I don't know why He allowed it. I wish I could speak on His behalf. I wish I could understand why He allows such pain. I wish I could understand why He allows evil to be so prevalent. I wish God was easy to explain. But then He wouldn't be worth worshiping.

I wish I could understand why those officers made the choices they made. Regardless of whether they are ever punished under human law, they are in God's hands. They will have to answer to Him for their actions. Each of those men will live the rest of his life knowing that he was responsible for the death of his fellow man.

That might not seem like enough. It might not be enough. I cannot say.

I know that hurt is real. I know that God is just and merciful. That paradox is difficult and unfair in the eyes of the imperfect. But God is perfect.

"And in despair I bowed my head

'There is no peace on earth,' I said

'For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men'

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail

With peace on earth, good will to men.'"

It may take until the end of the world, but I trust those words. I trust that Right will prevail. I trust in a God who offers peace that surpasses our understanding. He is always good and we are always loved. He sees and feels our hurt. 

On behalf of all humanity, I'm sorry.