Thoughts on the last days of Miss Swanson

I think I should first respond to those who take issue with the title.

I know that Miss Swanson isn't really disappearing. I know that I am not becoming a whole new person. I know that I don't stop being an individual when I become a wife.

But I am changing my name and becoming part of a new thing. Dan and I are creating a new entity. We're going to be The Smiths (without the vegetarianism, conflict, and break-up).

Anyway. We're getting married in less than three weeks. So, here are some answers to common questions, along with some other thoughts. I'm getting to the point of being sick of talking about wedding stuff, so I might be stepping on some toes with a little bit of this. But I'm the bride and we're less than three weeks away from the wedding. That's how I'm supposed to be acting, right?

Yes, I'm excited. Of course I'm excited. I'm marrying a guy whom I love and who loves me. A guy who loves Jesus more than he loves me. A guy who has worked incredibly hard to make sure we're going to be okay. A guy who cares about people and who loves that I care about people. A guy who has supported me and prayed for me and encouraged me. A guy who is proud of me and makes me proud. Why do you think you need to ask whether I'm excited?

Yes, I'm freaking out. My whole life is going to change. Everything will somehow be different. I don't get to make a lot of decisions without considering how they will affect Dan. Sometimes I wonder what the heck I'm doing and why I ever thought it was a good idea to decide to spend the rest of my life with someone and limit my freedom give up my space. And then I remember all of the things that I listed above. There have been days when the only good thing in my life is Dan and that makes up for all the terrible things in the rest of the day. He pushes me to be better. He makes me love harder. He believes in me when I don't believe in myself.

I'll start looking for a job when we get married. I don't know what I want to do, but I'm trusting that God will provide a place for me to be exactly where I need to be in order for Him to use me.

Money is tight. That's scary. God is good.

We have an apartment in Dupont Lakes. Moving in and setting things up is driving us crazy. We have so many things to do in the next two weeks. But we're slowly figuring it out and getting things put together.

We're still deciding what to do about church. We want to be where God wants us. We both have a list of things we're looking for, and we'll probably be visiting churches for a while. We appreciate your prayers as we do this.

Don't ask us about kids. It's none of your business. Seriously. You don't need to know. If it happens, you'll find out. But don't tell us we should have them right away or that we should wait. Don't tell us that we'll be great parents. Don't ask us about our sex life or birth control. And don't give us meaningful looks that mean any of that. This decision is between me, Dan, and God. We'll ask for advice when we want it.

The wedding is planned. There's still some prep work that needs to happen, but it'll happen. And I know "the little details don't matter. [I'll] be the only one who notices if something goes wrong, and at the end of the day, what really matters is [we'll] be married." I know. I've heard it. Stop talking about it.

We're really ready to be done with this wedding planning process and to just be married. We're ready to not have to leave at the end of the day. We're ready to be living in the same place, working through the little things that we do differently, waking up next to each other every day, drinking coffee on our patio.

If you want to know about our marriage planning process, we're more likely to respond positively. We've been doing that for much longer and it's much  less frustrating. The conflict in marriage planning matters. The things that we work out as we prepare for our marriage are things that will actually make a real difference for our future and the lives around us.

Because we aren't just doing this for us. We're getting married in order to become better together. We become better in order to be more effective servants in the Kingdom of God. We can't be selfish with our growth. We can't be selfish with our love. We want to serve those around us and take care of people. We want to live out our marriage in a way that makes people believe in marriage. We want to show people that it's okay if it's difficult sometimes and it's okay to not pretend that it's always easy or that you always like each other, because we love each other through it all, and we trust that God will use everything for His own honor and glory. That's what we want. (Well, that's what I want, and I don't think Dan would disagree.)

We're super ready for our wedding. We're ready for the week after our wedding when we get to just be together all the time and we don't have to leave and we get to start our marriage.

We appreciate your support and your interest, but let's cool it with the questions. Especially if you don't actually know us and you're not invited to the wedding. You'll see pictures on Facebook.


kthanksbai.